Note: The image on the left shows the original Chinese text written by the speaker; the speaker’s full name has been covered for privacy. The text on the right shows the English translation.
My name is Chen Xi. I’m 28 years old and work as an operations specialist at an internet company. I want to share my personal experiences and insights with everyone in hopes of helping more people.
Like many young people, in the first two years after graduation, my mind was full of the desire to make something of myself, wanting to let my parents know that raising me was not in vain. The internet industry moves at a fast pace, and working overtime is the norm. Even when the stress was so overwhelming that I couldn’t sleep at night, I dared not tell my family. Every time we video-called, I forced a smile and said I was doing well.
I had grown used to pushing through hardships alone and didn’t pay much attention to my health. Starting from the second half of last year, I began to suffer from frequent insomnia. During meetings, my heart would suddenly race, leaving me short of breath and unable to catch my breath. I went to the hospital for a check-up, and the doctor diagnosed me with moderate anxiety disorder. He advised me to rest more, stay up less, and communicate my emotions more with people around me. But my first thought was that I couldn’t let my parents know—I was afraid they would worry about me, and more importantly, that they would think I was too fragile to handle things.
I still remember one time when I worked overtime until early morning. Suddenly, I had an episode downstairs at the company: my heart was pounding as if it would burst, and I couldn’t catch my breath at all. I squat by the road and cried. The first person that came to my mind was my best friend, so I called her right away. She rushed over and took me to the hospital. Seeing how terrible my condition was, she told me that I couldn’t keep enduring like this alone—I needed a place to talk and vent my emotions. She recommended Amy's Women Empowerment to me, saying there were many people there with similar experiences, and chatting with them would make me feel more relaxed. I went with a try-it attitude, and really ended up meeting many peers. They all advised me not to bear everything alone and that talking to my family would help a lot, but I still didn’t dare. Half a month later, my mom noticed I looked pale during a video call and kept asking me if something was wrong. I couldn’t hold it in anymore; I broke down crying and told her everything—about the insomnia, the panic attacks, and how stressed I was that I wanted to resign.
I thought my mom would think I was making a big deal out of nothing, but she unexpectedly cried on the other end of the video, too. She kept telling me repeatedly that no matter how important work was, my health was more important. The next day, my dad took a leave of absence and came all the way from my hometown, bringing me many local specialties. He also helped me tidy up my rental apartment and said to me, “Quit if you don’t want to do it anymore. It’s not like our family can’t support you—stop pushing yourself so hard.” At that moment, I realized that the “lonely strength” I had always insisted on was actually pushing my parents farther and farther away.
After that, I started having regular weekly video calls with my parents, openly sharing updates about my life. Once, when I felt the premonition of a panic attack, I called my mom directly. She didn’t panic at all; she just talked to me gently, told me to take deep breaths, and stayed with me through the hardest time.
Now, I truly understand that the bond with family is not maintained by “being excellent to make them proud,” but by daring to take off the “strength” mask and expose my vulnerability to them. I used to think that “sharing only joys, not sorrows” was filial piety—I was afraid of worrying and disappointing them. But now I know that being willing to tell my parents my grievances and to take the initiative to ask for their help is true intimacy. I want to say something specifically to young people who live away from home and have communication barriers with their families: don’t be afraid to show your true self to your family. You don’t have to keep forcing yourself to say “I’m fine.” Deep down, they have always wanted to know how you are truly doing.